
Glass. 
Book. 



THE CITIZEN. 



.9 FARCE. 



mr TWO ACTS. 



BY ARTHUR MURPHY 




PHILADELPHIA : 

PUBLISHED BY THOMAS H. PALMER. 

1824. 



,»'.," 



m 






<^ 



DRAMATIS PERSONS. 



PHILADELPHIA. 

OldPhilpot Mr. Burke. 

Young- Philpot 'Mr. fVemyss. 

Sir Jasper Wilding Mr. Francis. 

Young- Wilding Mr. T. Jefferson , 

Beaufort. « .Mr. Johnston. 

Dapper Mr. J. Jefferson. 

Quilldrive. • •.•...•...• • Mr. Bignall. 

Maria. .•••••... .••••..••.•• . .Mrs. Battersby. 

Corinna • ♦.•• . 



Time of representation. — The time this piece takes in 
representation, is nearly two hours. 



Op* Passages marked with inverted commas, are 
omitted in the representation. 



THE CITIZEN 



ACT I. 

SCENE I— a room. 

€7iier YOUNG wilding, and beaufort, will fol- 
loiuing. 

Wild. Ha! ha! my dear Beaufort! a fiery 
young fellow like you, melted down into a sigh- 
ing love sick dangler " after a high heel, a well- 
turned ancle, and a short petticoat 1" 

Beau. Prithee, Wilding, don't laugh at me ; 
Maria's charms. 

Wild, Maria's charms ! and so now you v/^ould 
fain grow wanton in her praise, and have me 
listen to your raptures about my own sister I 
ha ! ha ! poor Beaufort ! is my sister at home, 
Will ? 

Will. She is, sir. 

Wild. How long has my father been gone out ? 

Will. This hour, sir. 

Wild. Very well. Pray give mr. Beaufort's 
' ompliments to my sister, and he is come to 
wait upon her. [exit Hill.) You will be glad 
to see her, I suppose, Charles. 

Beau. I live but in her presence. 
B 



40 THE CITIZEN. [Murphy 

VVild. Live but in her presence 1 how the 
devil could the young baggage raise this riot in 
your heart ? 'tis more than her brother could 
ever do with any of her sex. 

Beau. Nay, you have no reason to complain ; 
you are come up to town, post-haste, to marry 
a wealthy citizen's daughter, who only saw you 
last season at Tunbridge, and has been languish- 
ing for you ever since. 

If^ild. That's more than I do for her ; and to 
tell you the truth, more than I believe she does 
for me. This is a .match of prudence, man 1 
bargain and sale ! my reverend dad and the old 
put of a citizen finished the business at Lloyd's 
coffee-house by inch of candle ; a mere trans- 
ferring of property ! " give your son to my 
daughter, and I will give my daughter to your 
son." That's the whole affair, and so I am just 
arrived to consummate the nuptials. 

Beau. Thou art the happiest fellow. 

Wild. Happy ! so I am. What should I be 
otherwise for ? if miss Sally — upon my soul, I 
forget her name. 

Beau. Well ! that is so like you — miss Sally 
Philpot. 

IVild. Ay, very true ! miss Sally Philpot. 
•' She will bring fortune sufficient to pay off an 
old incumbrance upon the family estate, and 
my father is to settle handsomely upon me ; 
and so I have reason to be contented, have not I ?" 

Beau. Pho ! this is all idle talk; and in the 
mean time I am ruined. 

Wild. How so ? 

Beau. Why you know the old couple have 
bargained your sister away* 



Act I] THE CITIZEN. U 

Wild. Bargained her away ! and will you pre- 
tend you are in love ? " can you look tamely on, 
and see her bartered away at Garraway's like 
logwood, cochineal, or indigo ?" marry her pri- 
vately, man, and keep it a secret till my affair 
is over. 

Beau. My dear Wilding, will you propose it 
to her? 

IVilcl. With all my heart. " She is very long 
a-coming; I'll tell you what, if she has a fancy 
for you, carry her off at once ;" but perhaps she 
has a mind to this cub of a citizen, miss tally's 
brother. 

Beau. Oh no I he is her aversion. 

Wild. " I have never seen any of the family, 
but my wife that is to be." What sort of a 
fellow is the son ? 

Beau. Oh! a diamond of the first water! u 
buck, sir, a blood ! every night at this end of 
the town j at twelve next day he sneaks about 
the 'Change, and looks like a sedate book-keeper 
in the eyes of all who behold him. 

IVild. Upon my word, a gentleman of spirit, 

" Beau. Spirit ! he drives four in hand, keeps 
his girl at the west end of the town, and is the 
gay George Philpot at the Clubs." 

" Wild. Oh brave 1" and the father ? 

Beau. The father, sir ; but here comes Ma- 
vT'd ; take his picture from her. (jfhe sings within) 

Wild. Hey I she is musical this morning; 
she holds her usual spirits, I find. 

Beau. Yes, yes, the spirit of eighteen, with 
«he idea of a lover in her head. 

llild. Ay ! and such a lover as you too ! 
U).oug.h still in her teens, she can play upon all 



12 THE CITIZEN. [Murphy 

your foibles, and treat you as she does her mon- 
key, tickle you, torment you, " enrage you, 
soothe you, exalt you, depress you," pity you, 
laugh at you — Ecce signiim I 

enter maria, singing. 

Wild. The same giddy girl ! sister ; come, 
my dear. 

Mar. Have done, brother ; let me have my 
own way ; I will go through my song. 

Wild. I have not seen you this age ; ask me 
how I do. 

Mar. I won't ask you how you do ; I won't 
take any notice of you, I don't know you. 

Wild. Do. you know this gentleman, then? 
Will you speak to him ? 

Mar, No, I won't speak to him ; I'll sing to 
him ; it's my humour to sing, {sings') 

Beau. Be serious but for a moment, Maria j 
my all depends upon it. 

Mar. Oh \ sweet sir, you are dying, are you ? 
Then positively I will sing the song ; for it is 
the description of yourself; mind it, mr. Beau- 
fort ; mind it. Brother, how do you do ? [kisses 
him) say nothing, don't interrupt me. [sings) 

Wild. Have you seen your city lover yet ? 

Mar. No ; but I long to see him. 

Beau. Long to see him, Maria ! 

Mar. Yes, long to see him. [Beaufort looks 
thoughtful) Brother, brother ! [goes to him softly^ 
and beckons him to look at Beaufort) do you see 
that ? [mimicks him) mind him ; ha, ha ! 

Beau. Make me ridiculous if you will, Maria; 
so you don't make me unhappy, by marrying 
this citizen. 



Act I] THE CITIZEN. 13 

Mar. And would not you have me marry, sir ? 
what, I must lead a single life to please you, 
must I ? upon my word you are a pretty gentle- 
man to make laws for me. {sings) 

Can it be or by law or by equity said, 

That a comely young- girl oug-ht to die an old maid. 

Wild. Come, come, miss Pert, compose your- 
self a little. This will never do. 

Mar. My cross, ill-natured brother ! but it 
will do. Lord ! what do you both call me 
hither to plague me ? I wont stay among ye ; a 
tho7ineur^ a Vhonneury {running away) a l^hon- 
neur. 

Wild. Hey, hey, miss Notable ! come back,' 
pray madam, come back, {forces her back) 

Mar. Lord ! what do you want ? 

Wild. Come, come, truce with your frolic t, 
miss Hoyden, and behave like a sensible girl ; 
we have serious business with you. 

Mar. Have you 1 well, come, I will be sensi- 
ble ; there, I blow all my folly away, 'tis gone, 
'tis gone, and now I'll talk sense; come— is that 
a sensible face ? 

Wild. Pho, pho, be quiet, and hear what we 
have to say to you. 

Mar. I will, I am quiet. It is charming 
weather ; it will be good for the country, this 
will. 

Wild, Pho, ridiculous I how can you be so 
silly ? 

Mar. Bless me \ I never saw any thing like 
you. There is no such thing as satisfying you. 
I am sure it was very good sense what I said. 
Papa talks in that manner. Well, well ! I'll be 
• i lent then. I wont speak at all; will that satisfy 
on ? {looks sullen) 



14> THE CITIZEN. [Murphy 

PRlcl. Come, come, no more of this folly, but 
mind what is said to you. You have not seen 
your city lover, you say ? (Maria shrugs her 
ohoulders, and shakes her head) 

Wild. Why don't you answer ? 

Beau, My dear Maria, put me out of pain.- 

(Maria shrugs her shoulders again) 

Ifild. Pho ? don't be so childish, but give a 
rational answer. 

Mar. Why, no, then ; no ; no, no, no, no, no. 
I tell you no, no, no. 

TVild. Come, come, my little giddy sister, you 
must not be so flighty; behave sedately, and 
don't be a girl always. 

Mar. Why, don't I tell you I have not seen 
him ? But I am to see him this very day. 

Beau. To see him this day, Maria ? 

Mar. Ha, ha ! look there, brother ; he is be- 
ginning again. But don't fright yourself, and 
I'll tell you all about it. My papa comes to me 
this morning ; by the by, he makes a fright of 
himself with his strange dress. Why does he 
not dress as other gentlemen do, brother ? 

TVild. He dresses like his brother fox-hunters 
in Wiltshire. 

Mar. But when he comes to town, I wish he 
would do as other gentlemen do here. I am al- 
most ashamed of him. But he comes to m' 
this morning ; " Hoic ! hoic ! our Moll. Whet 
is the sly puss ? Tally ho !" did you want mr, 
papa ? come hither, Moll, I'll gee thee a hus- 
band, my girl ; one that has mettle enow ; he'll 
take cover, I warrant un ; blood to the bone. 

JBeau. There now. Wilding, did not I tell yo'i 
this? 



Act I] THE CITIZEN. 15 

Wild. Where are you to see the young citizen? 

Mar. Why, papa will be at home in an hour, 
and then he intends to drag me into the city 
with him, and there the sweet creature is to be 
introduced to me. The old gentleman, his father, 
is delighted with me, but I hate him, an old. 
ugly thing. 

Wild. Give us a description of him ; I want 
to know him. 

Mar. Why he looks like the picture of Ava- 
rice sitting with pleasure upon a bag of money, 
and trembling for fear any body should come 
and take it away. He has got square-toed 
shoes, and little tiny buckles, a brown coat, with 
small round brass buttons, that looks as if it 
was new in my great-grandmother's time, and 
his face all shrivelled and pinched with care, 
and he shakes his head like a mandarine upon 
a chimney-piece. Ay, ay, sir Jasper, you are 
right, and then he grins at me : I profess she 
is a very pretty bale of goods. Ay, ay, and my 
son George is a very sensible lad ; ay, ay 1 and 
I will underwrite their happiness for one and a 
half /zfr cent. 

Wild. Thank you, my dear girl ; thank you 
for this account of my relations. 

Beau. Destruction to my hopes ! surely, my 

ar little angel, if you have any regard for me — - 

Mar. There, there, there, he is frightened 
;;^ain. {sings^ dearest creature.^ ^c.) 

Wild. Pshaw ! give ever these airs : listen to 
me, and I'll instruct you how to manage them 
all. 

Mar. Oh ! my dear brother, you are very 
f/ood ; but don't mistake yourself ; though just 



THE CITIZEN. [Murphy 

come from a boarding-school, give me leave to 
manage for myself; there is in this case a man 
I like, and a man I don't like; it is not you I 
like, {to Beaufort) no, no ; 1 hate you. But let 
this little head alone ; I know what to do ; 1 
shall know how to prefer one, and get rid c- 
the other. 

Beau. What will you do, Maria ? 

Mar. Ha, ha, I can't help laughing at you. 

Do not grieve me, 
Oh ! relieve me, &c. 

Wild. Come, come, be serious, miss Pert, and 
I'll instruct you what to do. The old cit, yoii 
say, admires you for your understanding, and 
iiis son would not marry you unless he found 
you a girl of sense and spirit ? 

Mar. Even so ; this is the character of your 
giddy sister. 

mid. Why then, I'll tell you; you shall 
make him hate you for a fool, and so let the re- 
fusal come from him. 

Mar. But how ; how, my dear brother ? tell 
me how ? 

Wild. Why, you have seen a play with me, 
where a man pretends to be a downright coun- 
try oaf, in order to rule a wife and have a wife 

Mar. Very well; what then ? what then ? Oh ! 
I "have it ; I understand you ; say no more ; 'tis 
charming ; I like it of all things ; I'll do it, I 
will ; and I will so plague him that he shan't 
know what to make of me. He shall be a very 
toad-eater to me ; the sour, the sweet, the bitter, 
he shall swallow all, and all shall work upon 
him alike for my diversion, Say nothing of it 



Act I] THE CITIZEN. 17 

it's all among ourselves ; but I won't be cruel. 
I hate ill-nature, and then who knows but I may 
like him ? 

Beau. My dear Maria, don't talk of liking 
him. 

Mar. Oh ! now you are beginning again. 

(^sing-s, Voi Amanti^ is^c. and exU 

Beau. 'Sdeath, Wilding, I shall never be 
your brother-in-law at this rate. 

TVild. Pshaw, follow me ; don't be apprehen- 
sive ; I'll give her farther instructions, and she 
will execute them, I warrant you ; the old fel- 
low's daughter shall be mine, and the son may 
go shift for himself elsewhere. [exeunt 

SCENE 11'— Old P/iil/iot's house, 
enter quilldrive, george philpot fieejiing in, 

G. Phil. Hist, hist ! Quilldrive I 

Quill. Ha, master George 1 

G. Phil. Is Square-toes at home ? 

Qicill. He is. 

G. I Phil. Has he asked for me ? 

Quill. He has. 

G. Phil, (^ivalks in on tifi-toe) Does he know 
I did not sleep at home ? 

Quill. No ; I sunk that upon him. 

G. Phil. Well done ; I'll give you a choice 
gelding to carry you to Dulwich of a Sunday. 
Damnation! up all night; stripped of nine hun- 
dred pounds ; pretty well for one night ! picqued, 
repicqued, flammed, and capotted every deal I 
Old Dry-beard shall pay all ; is forty-seven 
good ? no ; fifty good ? no ? no, no, no ; to the 
f^nd of the chapter I cruel luck ! damn me, it's 
C 



18 THE CITIZEN. [Murphy 

life though ; this is life; 'sdeath ! I hear him 
coming, {runs off and peejts) No, all's safe ; I 
must not be caught in these clothes, Quiildrive. 

Quill, How came it you did not leave them 
at madam Corinna's, as you generally do ? 

G. Phil, I was afraid of being too late for 
old Square-toes, and so I whipt into a hackney- 
coach, and drove with the windows up, as if I 
was afraid of a bumbailey. Pretty clothes, a'n't 
they ? 

Quill, Ah I sir. 

G Phil. Reach me one of my mechanic city 
frocks ; no ; stay ; it's in the next room, a'n't 
it? 

Quill. Yes, sir. 

G. Phil. I'll run and slip it on in a twinkle. 

\_exit 

Quill, Mercy on us ! what a life does he lead 1 
Old Coger within here will scrape together for 
him, and the moment young master comes to 
possession, " III got ill gone," I warrant me ; a 
hard card I have to play between 'em both ; 
drudging for the old man, and pimping for the 
young one. The father is a reservoir of riches, 
and the son is a fountain to play it all away in 
vanity and follyl 

re-enter george philpot. 

G. Phil. Now I'm equipped for the city. 
Damn the city 1 I wish the Papishes would set 
fire to it again. I hate to be beating the hoof 
here among them ; here comes father ; no; its 
Dapper; Quiildrive, I'll give you the gelding. 

Quill. Thank you, sir. ^ \_exit. 

G, Phil. Who now in ray situation would 



Act I] THE CITIZEN. 19 

envy any of your great folks at the court end ! 
a lord has nothing to depend upon but his es- 
tate. He can't spend you a hundred thousand 
pounds of other people's money ; no, no ; I had 
rather be a little bob-wig citizen, in good credit, 
than a commissioner of the customs ; commis- 
sioner ! the king has not so good a thing in his 
gift, as a commission of bankruptcy. " Don*t 
we see them all with their country seats at 
Hoxton, and at Kentish-town, and at Ncwington- 
butts, and at Islington ; with their little flying 
Mercurys tipt upon the top of the house, their 
Apollos, their Venus's, and their leaden Her- 
cules's in the garden ; and themselves sitting 
before the door, with pipes in their mouths, 
waiting for a good digestion." ( Old Phil, speaks 
without) Zoons ! here comes old dad ; now for 
a few dry maxims of left-handed wisdom, to 
prove myself a scoundrel in sentiment, and pass 
in his eyes for a hopeful young man likely to do 
well in the world. 

enter old philpot. 

Old Phil. Twelve times twelve is \A4:. {aside) 

G. Phil. I'll attack him in his own way ; com- 
mission at two and a half per cent, (aside) 

Old Phil. There he is, intent upon business ! 
aside) What, plodding, George ? 

G. Phil. Thinking a little of the main chance, 
sir. 

Old Phil. That's right ; it is a wide world, 
George. 

G. Phil. Yes, sir, but you instructed me early 
in the rudiments of trade. 

Old Phil. Ay, ay ! I instilled good principles 
into thee. 



20 THE CITIZEN. [Murpliy 

G. Phil. So you did, sir. Principal and in- 
terest is all I ever heard from him. (aside) I 
shall never forget the story you recommended 
to my earliest notice, sir. 

Old Phil. What was that, George ? It is quite 
out of my head. 

G.Phil. It intimated, sir, how mr. Thomas 
Inkle, of London, merchant, was cast away, and 
was afterwards protected by a young lady, who 
grew in love with him ; and how he afterwards 
bargained with a planter to sell her for a slave. 

Old Phil. Ay, ay, {laughs) I recollect it now. 

G. Phil. And when she pleaded being with 
child by him, he was no otherwise moved than 
to raise his price, and make her turn better to 
account. 

Old Phil, {bursts into a laugh) I remember 
it ; ha, ha ! there was the very spirit of trade ! 
ay, ay ; ha, ha, ha I 

G. Phil. That was calculation for you. 

Old Phil. Ay, ay. 

G. Phil. The Rule of Three. If one gives 
me so much ; what will two give me ? 

Old Phil Ay, ay. {laughs) 

G. Phil. Rome was not built in a day ; for- 
1:unes are made by degrees ; pains to get, care 
to keep, and fear to lose. 

Old Phil. Ay, ay, the good boy. 

G. Phil. The old curmudgeon, {aside) 

Old Phil. The good boy ! George, I have 
great hopes of thee. 

G. Phil. Thanks to your example ; you have 
taught me to be cautious in this wide world. 
Love your neighbour, but don't pull down your 
hedge. 



Act I] THE CITIZEN. 2] 

Old Phil. I profess it is a wise saying — I ne- 
ver heard it before ; it is a wise saying ; and 
shows how cautious we should be of too much 
confidence in friendship. 

G. Phil. Very true. 

Old Phil, Friendship has nothing to do with 
trade. 

G. Phil. It only draws a man in to lend mo- 
ney. 

Old Phil. Ay, ay — 

G. Phil. There was your neighbour's son, 
Dick Worthy, who was always cramming his 
head with Greek and Latin at schools ; he 
wanted to borrow of me the other day, but I 
was too cunning. 

Old Phil. Ay, ay, let him draw bills of ex- 
change in Greek and Latin, and see where he 
will get a pound sterling for them.. 

G. Phil. So I told him ; I went to him to his 
garret, in the Minories ; and there I found him 
in all his misery ; and a fine scene it was— 
There was his wife in a corner of the room, at a 
washing tub, up to the elbows in suds ; a soli- 
tary pork-steak was dangling by a bit of pack- 
thread before a melancholy fire; himself seated at 
a three-legg'd table, writing a pamphlet against 
the German war ; a child upon his left knee, his 
right leg employed in rocking a cradle with a 
brattling in it — And so there was business 
enough for them all— His wife rubbing away, 
(^mimicks a tvasher-nvomari) and he writing on, 
" The king of Prussia shall have no more subsi- 
dies ; Saxony shall be indemnified — he shan't 
have a foot in Silesia." There is a sweet little 
baby 1 (ro the child on his k?iee) then he rocked 
B 2 



22 THE CITIZEN. [Murphy 

the cradle, hush ho ! hush ho !• — then twisted 
the griskin, {snafis hisjingers) hush ho ! " The 
Russians shall have Prussia," (writes) The wife 
(noashes and sings) he — ^'* There's a dear." 
Round goes the griskin again, (sna/is hisjingers) 
" and Canada must be restored." '^writes) And 
so you have a picture of the whole family. 

Old Phil. Ha, ha ! what becomes of his Greek 
aiid Latin now ? Fine words butter no parsnips 
«— he had no money from you, I suppose, George ? 

G. Phil. Oh no; charity begins at home, 
says I. 

Old Phil. And it was wisely said — I have an 
excellent saying when any man wants to borrow 
of me — I am ready with my joke — " a fool and 
his money are soon parted." Ha, ha ha ! 

G. Phil. Ha, ha — an old skin-flint, (aside) 

Old Phil. Ay, ay — a fool and his money are 
soon parted —ha, ha, ha ! 

G. Phil. Now if I can wring a handsome sum 
out of him, it will prove the truth of what he 
says, (aside) And yet trade has its inconve- 
niencies — Great houses stopping payment ! 

Old Phil. Hey, what ! you look chagrined ! 
Nothing of that sort has happened to thee, I 
hope ? 

G. Phil. A great house at Cadiz — Don John 
de Alvarada— The Spanish Galleons not mak- 
ing quick returns — and so my bills are come 
back. 

Old Phil. Ay ! (shakes his head) 

G. Phil. I have indeed a remittance fron> 
Messina. That voyage yields me thirty /zer ce7iL 
profit— But this blow coming upon me— 



Act I] THE CITIZEN. 23 

Old Phil. Why this is unlucky— how much 
money ? 

G. Phil. Three and twenty hundred. 

Old Phil. George, too many eggs in one bas- 
ket ; I'll tell thee, George, I expect Sir Jasper 
Wilding here presently to conclude the treaty of 
marriage I have on foot for thee : then hush 
this up, and say nothing of it, and in a day or 
two you pay these bills with his daughter's por- 
tion. 

G. Phil. The old rogue, (aside) That will 
never do, I shall be blown upon 'Change— Al- 
varada will pay in time — he has opened his af- 
fairs, he appears a good man. 

Old Phil. Does he ? 

G. Phil. A great fortune left ; will pay in 
time, but I must crack before that. 

Old Phil. It is unlucky ! a good man, you say 
he is ? 

G. Phil. Nobody better. 

Old Phil. Let me see — suppose I lend this 
money ? 

G. 'Phil. Ah, sir. 

Old Phil. How much is your remittance from 
Messina ? 

G. Phil. Seven hundred and fifty. 

Old Phil. Then you want fifteen hundred and 
fifty. 

G. Phil. Exactly. 

Old Phil. Don Alvarada is a good man, you 
say ? 

G.Phil. Yes, sir. 

Old Phil. I will venture to lend the money. 
You must allow me commission upon those bills 
for taking them up for honour of the drawer. 



24 THE CITIZEN. [Murphy 

G. Phil. Agreed. 

Old Phil. Lawful interest, while I am out of 
my money. 

G. Phil. I subscribe. 

Old Phil. A power of attorney to receive the 
monies from Alvarada when he makes a pay- 
ment. 

G. Phil. You shall have it. 

Old Phil. Your own bond ? 

G. Phil. To be sure. 

Old Phil. Go and get me a check. You shall 
hav-e a draught on the bank. 

G. Phil. Yes, sir. ingoing) 

Old Phil. But stay, I had forgot, I must sell 
out for this: stocks are under fiav, you must 
pay the difference. 

G. Phil, Was ever such a leech ! (aside) By 
all means, sir. 

Old Phil. Step and get me a check. 

G. Phil. A fool and his money are soon part- 
ed, {aside) \^exit 

Old Phil. What with commission, lawful in- 
terest, and his paying the difference of the 
stocks, which are higher now than when I 
bought in, this will be no bad morning's work ; 
and then in the evening I shall be in the rarest 
spirits for this new adventure I am recommend- 
ed to. Let me see — what is the lady's name ? 
{takes a letter out) Corinna ! ay, ay, by the de- 
scription she is a bale of goods. 

enter quilldrive. 

Quill. Sir Jasper Wilding, sir, and his daugh- 
ter. 

Old Phil. I am at home. 



Act I] THE CITIZEN. 25 

enter sir jasper, singing^ and maria. 

Old Phil. Sir Jasper, your very humble ser- 
vant. 

Sir Jasp. Master Philpot, I be glad to zee ye, 
I am indeed. 

Old Phil. The like compliment to you, sir 
Jasper. Miss Maria, I kiss your fair hand. 

Mar. Sir, your most obedient. 

Sir Jasfi. Ay, ay, I ha* brought un to zee you 
■—my girl — I ben't ashamed of my girl. 

Mar. That's more than I can say of my fa- 
ther, {aside) 

Old Phil. Truly she is a blooming young la- 
dy, sir Jasper, and I verily shall like to take an 
interest in her. 

Sir Jasfi. I ha' brought her to zee ye, and zo 
your zon may ha' her as zoon as he will. 

Old Phil. Why, she looks three and a half 
fier cent.^ better than vv^hen I saw her last. 

Mar. Then there is hopes that in a little time 
I shall be above /iar—-h.e rates me like a lottery 
ticket. (aside) 

Old Phil. Ay, ay, I doubt not, sir Jasper : 
Miss has the appearance of a very sensible dis- 
creet young lady ; and, to deal freely, without 
that she would not do for my son, George is a 
shrewd lad, and I have often heard him declare 
no consideration should ever prevail on him to 
marry a fool. 

Mar. Ay, you have told me so before, old 
gentleman— I have my cue from my brother; 
and if I don't soon give master George a sur- 
feit of me, why then I am not a notable girl. 

(aside) 



36 THE CITIZEN. [Murphy 

enter george philpot. 

G. Phil. A good clever old cuff this — after 
my own heart. I think I'll have his daughter, 
if it*s only for the pleasure of hunting with him. 

{aside) 

Sir Jasfi. Zon-in-law, gee us your hand— 
What say you ? are you ready for my girl ? 

G. Phil. Say grace as soon as you will, sir, 
I'll fall to. 

Sir Jasfi. Well zaid — I like you — I like un, 
master Philpot — I like uu' — I'll tell you what, 
let un talk to her now. 

Old Phil. And so he shall — George, she is a 
bale of goods ; speak her fair now, and then 
you'll be in cash. {aside to G. Phil.) 

G Phil. I think I had rather not speak to ner 
now — I hate speaking to these modest women — 
Sir — sir, a word in your ear ; had not I better 
break my mind, by advertising for her in a 
newspaper ? {aside to Old Philpot) 

Old Phil. Talk sense to her, George, she is a 
notable girl — and I'll give the draft upon the 
bank presently. {aside to G. Phil.) 

Sir Jasfi. Come along, master Philpot, come 

along; I ben't afraid of my girl — come along. 

[exeunt Sir Jasfi. and Old Phil. 

Mar. A pretty sort of a lover they have found 
for me. {aside) 

G. Phil. How shall I speak my mind to her ? 
She is almost a stranger to me. (aside) 

Mar. Now I'll make the hideous thing hate 
me if I can. * {aside) 

G. Phil. Ay, she is as sharp as a needle, I 
warrant her, {aside) 



Act 1] THE CITIZEN. 2r 

Mar. Ah, you fright ! You rival Mr. Beau- 
fort ! ril give him an aversion to me, that's 
what I will ; and so let him have the trouble of 
breaking oft' the match : not a word yet— he is 
in a fine confusion, (^aside^ looks foolish) I think 
I may as well sit down, sir. 

G. Phil. Ma'am— I — I — I — {frightened) — 
I'll hand you a chair, ma'am — there, ma'am. 

{boivs awkivardly) 

Mar. Sir, I thank you. 

G. Phil. I'll sit down, too. {in confusion) 

M-ar. Heigho ! 

G. Phil. Ma'am 1 

Mar. Sir ! 

G. Phil. I thought— I — I — I— did not you 
say something, ma'am ? 

Mar. No, sir, nothing. 

G. Phil. I beg your pardon, ma'am. 

Mar. < *h, you are a sweet creature ! {aside) 

G. Phil. The ice is broke now ; I have be- 
gun, and so I'll go on. 

{sits silent., foolish^ and steals .a look at her) 

Mar. An agreeable interview this. 

G. Phil. Pray, ma'am, do you ever go to 
concerts ? 

Mar. Concerts ? what's that, sir ? 

G. Phil. A music meeting. 

Mar. I have been at a quaker's meeting ; but 
never at a music meeting. 

G. Phil. Lord, ma'am, all the gay world 
goes to concerts — She notable ! I'll take cou- 
rage, she is nobody, '^aside) Will you give me 
leave to gresent you a ticket for Willis's i 

Mar. {looking simply and awkward) A ticket 
—what's a ticket ? 



2'8 THE CITIZEN. [Murphy 

G. Phil. There, ma'am, at your service. 

Mar. [curtseys awkwardly^ I long to see 
what a ticket is. 

G. Phil. What a curtsey there is for the St. 
James's end of the town ! " I hate her ; she seems 
to be an idiot." (aside) 

Mar. Here's a charming ticket he has given 
me. (aside) And is this a ticket, sir ? 

G. Phil. Yes, ma'am — And is this a ticket : 
(mimicks her asi"e) 

Mar. (reads) For sale by the candle, the fol- 
lowing goods — thirty chests straw hats — fifty 
tubs chip hats — pepper, sago, borax — ha, ha ! 
such a ticket ! 

G. Phil. I — I — I have made a mistake, ma'am, 
here, here is the right one. 

Mar. You need not mind it, sir, I never go to 
such places. 

G. Phil. No, ma'am — I don't know whgit tQ 
make of her. (aside) Was you ever ar the 
White-Conduit-house ? 

Mar. There's a question, (aside) Is that -i 
nobleman's seat ? 

G. Phil, (laughs) Simpleton ! No, miss^ — is 
it not a nobleman's seat — Lord 1 it's at Isling- 
ton. 

Mar. Lord Islington I I don't know my lord 
Islington. 

G. Phil. The town of Islington. 

Mar. I have not the honour of knowing his 
lordship. 

G Phil. Islington is a town, ma'am. 

Mar. Oh, it's a town. 

G. Phil. Yes, ma'am. 

Mar. I am glad of it. 



Act 1] THE CITIZEN. 29 

G. Phil. What is she glad of? What shall 
I say to her next ? (aside) Have you been at the 
burletta, ma*am ? 

Mar. Where ? 

G. FhiL The burletta. 

JUar. Sir, I would have you to know that I 
am no such person — I go to burlettas ! I am not 
wh:;t you take me for. 

G.Phil. Ma'am— 

Mar. I'm come of good people, sir ; and have 
been properly educated as a young girl ought 
to be. 

G. Phil. What a damn'd fool she is ! [aside) 
The burletta is an opera, ma'am. 

Mar. Opera, sir ! I don't know what you 
mean by this usage ; to affront me .in this man- 
ner f 

G. Phil. Affront ! I mean quite the reverse, 
ma'am ; I took you for a connoisseur. 

Mar. Who I me a connoisseur, sir ! I deure 
you won't caltme such names ; I am sure I n^ver 
so much as- thought of such a thing. Sir, I 
won't be called a connoisseur, I won't, I wDn*t, 
I won't, (bursts out a cryiiig) 

G: Phil. Ma'am, I meant no offence. A con- 
noisseur is a virtuoso. 

Mar. Don't virtuoso me ! I am no virtuoso, 
sir. I would have you to know it, I am as vir- 
tuous a girl as any in England, and I will never 
be a virtuoso, (cries bitterly) 

G. Phil. But, ma'am, you mistake me, quite. 

Mar. (m a passioji^ choaki?7g- her teirs^ and 
sobbing) Sir, I am come of as virtuouiJ people 
as any in England. My family was always re- 
markable for virtue. Mv mamma — (IsobbingJ 
T) 



30 THE CITIZEN. [Murphy 

was as ^ood a woman as ever was born, and my 
aunt Bridget — Cscbfuig) was a virtuous wo- 
man too. And there's my sister Sophy makes 
as good and as virtuous a wife as any at all. 
And so, sir, don't call me a virtuoso, I won't be 
brought here to be treated in this manner, I 
won't, I wont, I won't. (cries bitterly) 

G. Phil. The girl's a natural ; so much the 
better. I'll marry her, and lock her up. (aside) 
Ma'am, upon my word you misunderstand me. 

Mar. Sir, (^drying- her tears) I won't be called 
connoisseur by you nor any body : and I am no 
virtuoso, I'd have you to know that. 

G. Phil. Ma'am, connoisseur and virtuoso are 
words for a person of taste. 

Mar. Taste ! (sobbing J 

G. Phil. Yes, ma'am. 

Mar. And did you mean to say as how I am 
a person of taste ? 

G. Phil. Undoubtedly. 

Mar. Sir, your most obedient humble ser- 
van:. Oh, that's another thing, I have a taste, 
to be sure. 

G. Phil. I know you have, ma'am. O you're 
a cursed ninny. (dside) 

Mar. Yes, I know I have, I can read tolera- 
bly ; ind I begin to write a little. 

G. Phil. Upon my word you have made a 
great progress ! What could old Square-toes 
mean by passing her upon- me for a sensible 
girl ? And what a fool I was to be afraid to 
speak to her. • Til talk to her openly at once. 
Come, at down, miss, (aside) Pray, ma'am, are 
you inclined to matrimony I 

Mar. Yes, sir. 



Act I] THE CITIZEN. 31 

G. Phil. Are you in love ? 

Mar. Yes, sir. 

G. Phil. These naturals are always amorous. 
[aside) How should you like me ? 

Mar. Of all things. 

G. Phil. " A girl without ceremony.'* {aside) 
Do you love' me ? 

Mar. Yes, sir. 

G. Phil. But you don't love any body else ? 

Mar. Yes, sir. 

G. Phil. Frank and free, (aside) But not so 
well as me ? 

Mar. Yes, sir. 

G. Phil. Better, may be ? 

Mar. Yes, sir. 

G. Phil. The devil you do ! (aside) And, 
perhaps, if I should marry you, I should have a 
chance to be made a — 

Mar. Yes, sir. 

G. Phil. The case is clear. Miss Maria, your 
very humble servant ; you are not for my mo- 
ney, I promise you. 

Mar. Sir! 

. G. Phil. I have done, ma'am, that's all, and I 
take my leave. 

Mar. But you'll marry me ? 

G. Phil. No, ma'am, no ; no such thing. You 
may provide yourself a husband elsewhere, I 
am your humble servant. 

Mar. Not marry me, Mr. Philpot ? But you 
must, my papa said you must. And I will have 
you. 

G. Phil. There's another proof of her non- 
sense, (aside) Make yourself easy, for I shall 
have nothing to do with you. 



32 THE CITIZEN. [Murphy 

Mar. Not marry me^ Mr. Philpot ? {bursts 
out in tears) but I say you shall, and I will have 
a husband, or 1*11 know the reason why. You 
shall, you shall. 

G. Phil. A pretty sort of a wife they intend 
for me here. 

Mar. I wonder you a'n't ashamed of yourself 
to affront a young girl in this manner. I'll go 
and tell my papa, I will, I will, I will. 

{crying bitterly) 

G. Phil. And so you may. I have no more to 
say to you, and so your servant, miss, your ser- 
vant. 

Mar. Ay, and by goles ! my brother Bob 
shall fight you. 

G. Phil. What care I for your brother Bob ? 

{going) 

Mar. How can you be so cruel, Mr. Philpot ? 
how can you— oh — iSeries and struggles ivith 
him) [exit G. Phil.] Ha, ha ! I have carried 
my brother's scheme into execution charmingly, 
ha, ha ! He will break off the match now of his 
own accord — Ha, ha ! this is charming; this 
is fine ; this is like a girl of spirit. \_exit 



ACT II. 

ENE i-—Corinna's house. 

" enter corinna, tom following her. 

" Cor. An elderly gentleman, did you say ? 
" Tom. Yes ; that says he has got a letter for 
you, ma'am. 

'* Cor. Desire the gentleman to walk up stairs. 

[^exit Tom 



Act II] THE CITIZEN. 33 

" enter old philpot. 

" Cor. Servant, sir. 

" Old Phil. Fair lady, your very humble ser- 
vant. Truly a blooming young girl ! Madam, 
I have a letter here for you from Bob Pdacher, 
whom, I presume, you know. 

^^-Cor. Yes, sir, I know Bob Poacher. — He is a 
very good friend of mine, (reads to herself) He 
speaks so handsomely of you, sir, and says you 
are so much of the gentleman, that, to be sure, 
sir, I shall endeavour to be agreeable, sir. 

" Old Phil. Really you are very agreeable. 
You see I am punctual to my hour. 

(looks at his ivatcH) 

" Cor. That is a mighty pretty watch, sir. 

" Old Phil. Yes, madam, it is a repeater; it 
has been in our family for a long time. This is a 
mighty pretty lodging. I have twenty guineas 
here in a purse, here they are ; (turns them out 
ufion the table) as pretty golden rogues as ever 
fair fingers played with. 

" Cor. I am always agreeable to any thing 
from a gentleman. 

" Old Phil. There are some light guineas 
among them — I always put off my light guineas 
in this way. (aside) — You are exceedingly wel- 
come, madam. Your fair hand looks so tempt- 
ing, I must kiss it — Oh ! I could eat it up — 
Fair lady, your lips look so cherry — They ac- 
tually invite the touch ; (kisses) really it makes 
the difference of cent, per cent, in one's consti- 
tution—Oh you little delicate, charming 

(kisses her^ 
D 2 



34 THE CITIZEN. [Murphy 

" G. Phil, (noithin) Gee-houp 1 — Awhi ! — 
Awhi ! Gallows ! Awhi ! 

" Old Phil. Hey—What is all that ? Some- 
body coming I 

" Cor. Some young rake, I fancy, coming in 
whether my servants will or no. 

" Old Phil. What shall I do ?— -I would not 
be seen for the world — Can't you hide me in 
that room ? 

" Cor. Dear heart ! no, sir — These wild young 
fellows take such liberties — He may take it into 
his head to go in there, and then you will be 
detected. — Get under the table — He shan't re- 
main long, whoever he is— ■Here'— Here, sir, get 
under here. 

" Old Phil. Ay, ay ; that will do— Don't let 

him stay long Give me another buss 

Wounds I I could 

« Cor. Hush I — Make haste. 

" Old Phil. Ay, ay ; I will, fair lady — (creeps 
under the table and fieefis out) Don't let him 
stay long. 

" Cor. Hush I silence ! you will ruin all else. 

" enter g. philpot. 

" G. Phil. Sharper to your work — Awhi I 
Awhi ! So, my girl — how dost do ? 

" Cor. Very well, thank you— I did not ex- 
pect to see you so soon — I thought you was to 
be at the club ? 

" G. Phil. No ; the run was against me 
again, and I did not care to pursue ill-fortune. 
But I am strong in cash, my girl. , . ,. 

" Cor. Are you? 

" G. Phil, Yes, yes— ^Suskins ifi plenty. 



Act II] THE CITIZEN. 35 

'* Old Phil, (aside — fieefiing) Ah the ungra- 
cious ! These are your haunts, are they ? 

" G. Phil, Yes, yes ; I ara strong in cash — I 
have taken in the old curmudgeon since I saw 
you. 

" Cor. As how, pray ? 

" Old Phil, {aside — fieefiing ouc) Ay, as how ; 
let us hear, pray. 

« G. Phil. Why, ril tell you 1 talked a 

world of wisdom to him— tipt him a few ras- 
cally sentiments of a scoundrelly kind of pru- 
dence; and then he took a liking to me. — Ay, 
ay, says he, ay, friendship has nothing to do 
with trade.— -George, thou art a son after my 
own heart ;— a fool and his money are soon part- 
ed ; (mimicking- him) and so, on he went, like 
Harlequin in a French comedy, tickling himself 
into a good humour, till, at last, I tickled him 
out of fifteen hundred and odd pounds.— Oh ! 
I understand trap— -I talked of a great house 
stopping payment — The thing was true enough, 
but I had no dealing with them. 

" Old Phil, (aside) Ay, ay. 

" G. Phil. And so, for fear of breaking off a 
match with an ideot he wants me to marry, he 
lent me the money, and cheated me though. 

" Old Phil, (aside) Ay, you have found it 
out, have ye ? 

" G. Phil. Pho ! he is an old curmudgeon ; 
and so I will talk no more about him. Come, 
give me a kiss, (they kiss) 

" Old Phil, (aside) The young dog, how he 
faF^^ns his li")s to her ! 

.;. Phil. You shall go with me to Epsom 
next Sunday. 



36 THE CITIZEN. [Murphy 

" Cor. Shall I ? That's charming. 

" G. Phil. You shall, in my chariot — I drive. 

" Cor. But I don't like to see you drive. 

" G. Fhil. But I like it, I am as good a coach* 
man as any in England. There was my lord — 
What d'ye call him-— Drove four in hand — but, 
lord ! he was nothing to me. 

" Cor. No ! 

" G. Phil. Oh, no — I know my road work, 
my girl. — Throw my eyes about a few — Handle 
the braces — Take the off-leader by the jaw — 
Here you, how have you curbed this horse up ? 
•^Let him out a link, do, you rascal — Whoo 
Eh ! — Jewel — Button !-— Whoo Eh !— Come 
here, you sir ; how have you coupled Gallows ? 
you know he'll take the bar of Sharper — Take 
him in two holes, do-— There's four pretty little 
knots as any in England— Whoo Eh ! 

" Cor. But can't you let your coachman 
drive ? 

" G. Phil. No, no. — See me mount the box, 
handle the reins, my wrist turned down, square 
my elbows, stamp with my foot— Gee up !— Off 
we go — Button, do you want to have us over ! 
— Do your work, do — Awhi ! awhi ! — There 
we bowl away ; see how sharp they are. — Gal- 
lows ! — Softly up hill, (whistles) There's a pub- 
lic-house.— Give 'em a mouthful of water, do, 
and fetch me a dram — drink it off — Gee up ! 
Awhi ! Awhi ! — There we go scrambling alto- 
gether — reach Epsom in an hour and forty-three 
miinutes, all Lombard-street to an egg-shell, we 
do. — There's your work, my girl ! — eh, damn 
me! 



Act II] THE CITIZEN. 37 

^^ Old Phil, (aside) Mercy on me! What a 
profligate young dog it is. 

" enter Y ova G wilding. 

" Wild. Ha! my little Corinna— -Sir, your 
servant. 

" G. Phil. Your servant, sir. 

" Wild. Sir, your servant. 

" G. Phil. Any commands for me, sir ? 

" Wild. For you, sir ? 

" G. Phil. Yes, for me, sir ? 

" Wild. No, sir, I have no commands for you. 

" G. Phil. What's your business ? 

« Wild. Business ? 

" G. Phil. Ay, business. 
. " Wild. Why, very good business, I think-^ 
my little Corinna— my life — my little 

*' G. Phil. Is that your business ? — Pray, sir- 
not so free, sir, 

" Wild. Not so free ! 

" G. Phil. No, sir ; that lady belongs to me. 

" Wild. To you, sir ! 

« G. Phil. Yes, to me. 

" Wild. To you !— -Who are you ? 

" G. Phil. As good a man as you. 

« Wild. Upon my virord ! — Who is this fel- 
low, Corinna ? Some journeyman-tailor, I sup- 
pose, who chooses to try on the gentleman's 
clothes before he carries them home. 

" G. Phil. Tailor ! — What do you mean by 
that ?— -You lie ! 1 am no tailor. 

" Wild. You shall give me satisfaction for 
that I 

« G. Phil. For what ? 

*' Wild. For giving me the lie. 



38 THE CITIZEN. [Murphy 

" G. Phil. I did not. 

" Wild. You did, sir. 

" G. Phil. You lie; I'll bet you five pounds 
1 did not.— -But if you have a mind for a frolic 
—Now, sir, come on.— fin a boxing attitude) 

" Wild. Why, you scoundrel, do you think I 
want to box ? ff/rawsj— There, take that, sir- 
rah—and that— and that, you scoundrel. 

(beating him) 

" Old Phil, (aside) Ay, ay ; well done ; lay 
it on. (jxeefis out) 

" Wild, (beating him) And there, you ras- 
cal ; and there. 

" Old Phil, (aside) Thank you ; thank you. 
—Could not you find in your heart to lay him 
on another for me ! 

" Cor. Pray, don't be in such a passion, sir. 

" Wild. My dear Corinna, don't be frighten- 
ed ; I shall not murder him. 

" Old Phil, (aside) I am safe here— lie still, 
Isaac, lie still — I am safe. 

" Wild. The fellow has put me out of breath. 
(sits down — Old Philjiot's nvatch strikes ten un- 
der the table) Whose watch is that ? (stares 
round) Hey ! what is all this ? (looks under 
the table) Your humble servant, sir ! Turn out, 
pray turn out.— You wont — Then I'll unshell 
you. \_exit Corinna^^ — (/te t-akes away^the table) 
Your very humble servant, sir. 

" G. Phil. Zounds I my father there all this 
time ! [aside) 

" Wild. I suppose you will give me the lie, 
too? 

" Old Phil, [still on the ground) No, sir, nol 



Act II] THE CITIZEN. 39 

I, truly.— -But the gentleman there may divert 
himself again if he has a mind. 

" G.p'hil. No, sir, not I. 

" Old Phil. George, you are there, I see. 

" G. Phil, Yes, sir ; and you are there, I see. 
— What an imp of hell she is. (aside) 

" M'^ild. Come, get up, sir ; you are too old to 
be beat. 

" Old Phil, (rising) In troth, so I am. — But 
there you may exercise yourself again, if you 
please. • 

" G. Phil. No more for me, sir, I thank you. 

" Wild. Ha, ha ! upon my soul, I can't help 
laughing at his old square toes. 

" Old Phil. Oh ! George f George ! 

<^ G. Phil. Oh ! father ! father ! 

" M^ild. Ha, ha ! what, father and son I And 
so you have found one another out, ha, ha 1 — 
Well, you may have business, and so, gentle- 
men, I'll leave you to yourselves. [^exit 

" G. Phil. Don't be angry with me, sir. — I'll 
go my ways this moment, tie myself Up in this 
matrimonial noose, and never have any thing to 
do with these courses again, (going) 

'' Old Phil. And hark you, George ; tie me 
up in a real noose, and turn me off as soon as 
you will. [^exeunt'' 

SCENE II — Sir Jas/ier's house; beauport dis- 
coveredj dressed as a lawyer, and sir jasper 
WILDING, with a bottle and glass in his hand. 

Bean, No more, Sir Jasper; I can't drink 
any more. 

SirJas/i. Why, you be but a weezen-faced 



40 THE CITIZEN. [Murphy 

drinker, master Quagmire. — Come, man, finish 
this bottle. 

Beau. I beg to be excused. — You had better 
let me read over the deeds to you. 

Sir Jasfi. Zounds ! you shall drink t'other 
bumper, an you talk of ley. 

enter william. 

Will. Old Mr. Philpot, sir, and his son. 
Sir Jasp. Wounds ! that's right; they'll take 
me out of the hand of this lawyer here. 

\_ejcif IVilliam 

enter old philpot and george philpot. 

Sir Jasp. Master Philpot, I be glad you are 
come ; this man here has so plagued me with 
his ley, but now we'll have no more about it, 
but sign the papers at once. 

Old Phil. Sir Jasper, twenty thousand pound's, 
you know, is a great deal of money. — I should 
not give you so much, if it was not for the sake 
of your daughter's marrying my son; so that, 
if you will allow me discount for prompt pay- 
ment, I will pay the money down. 

G. Phil. Sir, I must beg to see the young 
lady once more before I embark; for, to be 
plain, sir, she appears to me a mere natural. 

Sir Jasp. I'll tell you what, youngster, I find 
my girl a notable wench. — Zee her again, man 
— zee her again — here, you, sirrah, send our 
Moll hither. — We'll go into t'other room, crack 
a bottle, and settle matters there ; and leave un 

together Hole. ! hoic ! Our Moll Tally 

over 



Act II] THE CITIZEN. 41 

enter maria. 

Mar. Did you call me, papa ? 

Sir J as/1. I did, my girl. — There, the g^entle- 
maii wants to speak with you. — Behave like a 
cleVer wench as you are. — Come along, my 
boys. — Master Quagmire, come and finish the 
business. 

\^exit.,si7iging^ with Old Philjiot and Beaufort 

G. Phil. I know she is a fool, and so I will 
speak to her without ceremony, (aside — Well, 
miss, you told me you could read and write ? 

Mar. Read, sir ! — Reading is the delight of 
my life. — Do you love reading, sir ? 

G. Phil. Prodigiously. — How pert she is 
grown — I have read very little, and I'm resolved 
for the future to read less, (aside)- — What have 
you read, miss ? 

Mar. Every thing. 

G. Phil. You have ? 

Mar. Yes, sir, I have. 

G. Phil. Oh ! brave. — And do you remem- 
ber what you read, miss ? 

Mar. Not so well as I could wish. — Wits 
have short memories. 

G. Phil. Oh ! you are a wit too ? 

Mar. I am ; and do you know that I feel my- 
self provoked to a simile now. 

G. Phil. Provoked to a simile ! — Let us hear 
it! 

Mar. What do you think we are both like ? 

G. Phil. Well— 

Mar. Like Cymon and Iphigenia in Dryden's 
i'able. 

(r. Phil. Jenny in Dryden's fable ! 
E 



42 THE CITIZEN. [Murphy 

JVTar. The fanning breeze upon her bosom 
blows ; 

To meet the fanning breeze her bosom rose. 
That's me — now you. 

He trudg'd along, unknowing what he sought, 

And whistled as he went (mi7nics) for want 
of thought. 

G. Phil. This is not the same girl. 

(disconcerted) 

Mar. Mark again, mark again 

The fool of nature stood with stupid eyes, 

And gaping mouth that testified surprise. 

(Ae looks foolish — she laughs at him.) 

G. Phil. I must take care how I spe^k to her; 
she is not the fool I took her for. (aside) 

Mar. You seem surprised, sir ; but this is my 
way. I read, sir, and then I apply. — I have 
read every thing;— Suckling, Waller, Milton, 
Dryden,Lansdown, Gay, Prior, Swift, Addison, 
Pope, Young, Thomson 

G. Phil. Hey ! the devil — what a clack is 
here ! (he walks across the stage) 

Mar. (following him eagerly) Shakspeare, 
Fletcher, Otway, Southern, Rowe, Congreve, 
Wycherly,Farquhar, Gibber, Vanbrugh, Steele ; 
in short every body ; and I find them all wit, 
fire, vivacity, spirit, genius, taste, imagination, 
raillery, humour, character, and sentiment. 

G. Phil. Her tongue goes like a water-mill. 

Mar. What do you say to me, now, sir ? 

G. Phil. Say ! — I don't know what the devil 
to say. (aside) 

Mar. What's the matter, sir ? — Why you 
look as if the stocks were fallen ; or like Lon- 
don-bridge at low water; or like a waterman. 



Act II] THE CITIZEN. 43 

when the Thames is frozen ; or like a poTitician 
without news ; or like a prude without scandal; 
or like a great lawyer without a brief; or like 
some lawyers with one ; or 

G. Phil. Or like a poor devil of a husband, 
henpecked by a wit, and so say no more of that. 

Mar. Oh, fie ! you have spoiled all — I had 
not half done. 

G. Phil. There is enough of all conscience. 
You may content yourself. 

Mar. But I can't be so easily contented ; I 
like a simile half a mile long. 

G. Phil. I see you do. 

Mar. Oh ! And I make verses too ; verses 
like an angel ; off hand ; extempore.— Can you 
give me an extempore ? 

G. Phil. What does she mean ! [aside) No, 
miss, I have never a one about me. 

Mar. You can't give me an extempore ! Oh 1 
for shame, Mr. Philpot. I love an extempore 
of all things ; and I love the poets dearly, their 
sense is so fine, their invention rich as Pactolus. 

G. Phil. A poet as rich as Pactolus ! I have 
heard of Pactolus in the city. 

Mar. Very like. 

G. Phil. But you never heard of a poet as 
rich as he. 

Mar. As who ? 

G. Phil. Pactolus. He was a great Jew mer- 
chant ; lived in the ward of Farringdon with- 
out. 

Mar. Pactolus, a Jew merchant ! Pactolus is 
a river. 

G. Phil. A river ! 

Mar, Yes. Don't you understand geography ? 



44 THE CITIZEN. [Murphy 

G. 'Phil. The girl's crazy ? 

Mar. Oh 1 sir ; if you don't understand ge- 
ography, you are nobody. I understand ge- 
ography, and I understand orthography ; you 
know I told you I can write ; and I can dance 
too. Will you dance a minuet ? 

{sings and dances) 

G. Phil. You shan't lead me a dance, I .nro- 
mise you. ^(1 

Mar. Oh I very well, sir — you re i^en 

Remember you'll hear immediately o 
married to another, and then you'll I \ my 

hang yourself. 

G. Phil. Not I, I promise you. 

Mar. Oh! very well ; remember; mark my 
words ; I'll do it ; you shall see it — ha, ha ! 

G. Phil. Marry you ! 1 would as soon carry 
my wife to live in Bow-street, and write over 
the door " Philpot's punch house." 

enter old philpot, sir jasper, young wilding, 

and BEAUFORT. 

Sir Jasp. {si7iging\ " So rarely, so bravely 
we'll hunt him o'er the downs, and we'll whoop 
and we'll hollow." — Gee us your hand, young 
gentleman, well ; what zay ye to un now ? Ben't 
she a clever girl ? 

G. Phil. A very extraordinary girl, indeed. 

Sir Jasfi. Did not I tell un zo. 

Mar. Well, papa, the gentleman won't have 
me. 

Old Phil. The numskull won't do as his father 
bids him ; and so. Sir Jasper, with your consent, 
I'll make a proposal to the young lady myself. 

Mar. How ! What does he say ? 



Act II] THE CITIZEN. 45 

Old Phil. I am in the prime of my days, and 
I can be a brisk lover stjU. Fair lady, a g-lance 
of your eye is like the returning sun in the 
spring ; it melts away the frost of age, and 
gives a new warmth and vigour to all nature. 

(falls coughing) 

Mar. Dear heart ! I should like to have a 
scene with him. 

i r Jasfi. Hey I What's in the wind now !■?— 
Uji t say you, my girl, will you rock his cra- 

G. 

^':', ' Sir, I have one small doubt. Pray, can 
iwo husbands at a time ? 

G. Phil. There's a question now ! She is 
grown foolish again. 

Old Phil. Fair lady, the law of the land" 

Sir Jasfi. Hold ye, hold ye ; let me talk of 
law ; I know the law better nor any on ye. Two 
husbands at once ! No, no ; men are scarce, 
and that's downright poaching. 

Mar. I am sorry for it, sir ; for then I can't 
marry him, I see. 

Sir Jasfi. Why not? 

Mar. I am contracted to another. 

Sir Jasfi. Contracted I—To whom ? 

Mar To Mr. Beaufort; that gentleman, sir. 

Sir Jasfi. Master Quagmire 1 What are you 
young Beaufort all this time ? 

Old Phil. That wont take, sir ; that wont 
take. 

Beau. But it must take, sir. You have signed 
the deeds for your daughter's marriage ; and 
Sir Jasper, by this instrument, has made me his 
son-in-law. 

Old Phil. How is this ? How is this ? Then, 



46 THE CITIZEN. [Miirphj 

Sir Jasper, you will agree to cancel the deeds, 
I suppose, for you know 

Sir Jas/i. Catch me at that, an ye can ! I ful- 
filled niy promise, and your son refused, and so 
the wench has looked out slily for herself else- 
where. Did I not tell you she was a clever 
girl ? I ben't ashamed o' my girl. Our Moll, 
you have done no harm, and Mr. Beaufort is 
welcome to you with all my heart. I'll stand 
to what I have signed, though you have taken 
me by surprise. 

Mar. Well, brother, how have I played my 
part? 

mid. ? rp . , 

„ > To a miracle. 

Beau. ^ 

Mar. Have I ? — I don't know how that is — 

Love urg'd me on to try all wily arts. 

To win your — (to Beaufort) no, not yours — 

To win your hearts, (to the audience) 
Your hearts to win is now my aim alone ; 
" There if I grow, the harvest is your own." 



THE END. 



EPILOGUE. 

BY OLD PHILPOT AND GEORGE PHILPOT. 

Old Phil. Oh ! George, George, George ! 'tis such*" 
young rakes as you, 
That bring vile jokes, and foul dishonour too. 
Upon our city youth. 

G. Phil. *Tis very true. 

Old Phil. St. James' end o'th' town — 

G. Phil. No place for me. 

Old Phil. No, truly — no — their manners disagree 
With ours entirely — yet, you there must run, 
To ape their follies — 

G. Phil. And so am undone. 

Old Phil. 'Inhere you all learn a vanity in vice. 
You turn mere fops — you game 

G. Phil. 01), damn the dice. 

Old Phil. Bubbled at plav— 

G. Phil. Yes, sir— 

Old Phil. By every common cheat. 

G. Phil. Ay ! here's two witnesses — 

(pulls out his pockets) 

Old Phil. You get well beat. 

G. Phil. A witness too of that, — (shows his head) — and 
* there's another, (to Young- Wilding) 

Old Phil. You dare to give affronts — 

G. Phil. Zounds, such a pother ! — 

Old Phil. Affronts to gt ntlemen ! 

G. Phil. 'Twas a rash action — 

Old Phil. Dam'me, you lie ! I'll give you satisfaction. 

(mimicking) 
Drawn in by strumpets, and detected too ! 

G. Phil. That's a sad thing, sir ! I'll be judg'd by you — 

Old Phil. The dog ! he has me there — 

G. Phil. Think you it right. 

Under a table — 

Old Phil. Miserable plight ! 



EPILOGUE. 

G. Phil. For grave threescore to skulk with treinfeling 
knees, 
And env)' each young lover that he sees ! 
Think you it fitting- tlius abroad to roam ? 

Old Phil, Would I had stay'd to cast accounts at home. 

G. Phil. Ay ! there's another vice — 

Old Phil. Sirrah, give o'er, "^ 

G. Phil. You brood for ever o'er your much lov'd '^ 
store, f 

And scraping cent, per cent, still pine for more. J 

At Jonathan's, where millions are undone, 
Now cheat a nation, and now cheat your son. 

Old Phil. Rascal, enough ! 

G. Phil. 1 could add, but am loth — 

Old Phil. Enough ! — this jury — {to the audience) — 
will convict us both. 

G. Phil. Then to the court we'd better make sub- 
mission. 
Ladies and gentlemen, with true contrition, 
I here repent my faults — ye courtly train. 
Farewell I — farewell, ye giddy and ye vain I 
I now take up — forsake the gay and witty. 
To live henceforth a credit to the city. 

Old Phil. You see nie here quite cover'd o'er with 
shame, ' 
I hate long speeches — But I il do the same. 
Come, George: — To mend is all the best can boast. 

G Phil. Then let us in — 

Old Phil. And this shall be our toagt, 

May Britain's thunder on her foes be hurl'd, 

G. Phil. And London prove the market of the world ' 



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